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A proper job

Do you want your website to get pornlike traffic? Do you want your pockets fatter? Hire me and I’ll bring you to the light…


Burning everything containing nudity, lentils, not allowing sex before being wed, dried prunes, having a banner checking your age, acai-juice, disallowing boys to show their penis while taking a shower, spit from monkeys that eat their own seamen, we’ve tried it all. We’ve literally tried everything, yet nothing seemed to save us from pornography and belly fat. We only grew bigger and more obsessed.

Not anymore!” say David and The Wizard. While the former, British Prime minister David Cameron, is talking about a miracle wall that will make the British internet porn free, Dr. Oz promotes green coffee as the miracle substance that will make everybody fat free. Both are full of it and I’ll tell you why.

Thinking that more than one percent of people, including our dot-com-kids, accidentally stumble upon pornography, is somewhat naïve. Thinking that by ‘blocking’ porn the other 99 percent won’t be able to find it anymore, is nothing short of stupid. For example: I was one day late in discovering my normal route to The Pirate Bay was legitimately blocked. When I did, 28 alternate gateways were already well in place.

Figuring that getting overweight is more than 1 percent about the tempo of our glucose release, something green coffee might slow down, is somewhat naïve. Thinking overweight people can keep eating unhealthy and won’t have to move more to lose weight, is beyond moronic. “You don’t even have to walk to a store to get it!” said Oz, followed by: “Just pick up that mouse and let your fat fingers click away. Green coffee will save the day!” or something like that.

That Green coffee the Dr. talked about was ‘scientifically tested on 200 women, for 2 weeks’. Read that back, please and pause after 200 women and 2 weeks… Thought about it? That’s not scientific. That’s not even close! Yet it still beats the living daylights out of Camerons claim that Brittain’s going to be a better place once they’ve build that tiny wall in the world wide web, inmpossible to uphold and costing about the same as they took from people’s social services and child support.’

Do you want your website to get pornlike traffic? Would you like your pockets fatter than fat? Hire me and I’ll make it happen. Though I’m not yet sure how, this I firmly vow!

Categories English, Sollicitatiecolumn

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