It’s been 2 and a half weeks since I started at Vandebron. In my previous blog I criticized the fact that we hadn’t been chosen Energy Company of the year since 2016. I did this because I didn’t want to only write extremely positive things like in my first blog.
Right after posting my second blog I went to the toilet. Maybe I really needed to pee, maybe I needed to release the pressure of having dared to do this during my proeftijd*, while I really like this company and my job and I definitely want to stay here to develop myself.
While I was in the toilet, looking for the lyrics of some old song, my team leader mailed me that the Consumentenbond stopped that Best Energy Company Election after 2016. #ouch!
Back in my seat one of my colleagues saw me struggling with a problem in one of our programs. I’d refused to ask for help with this and spend at least 10 minutes on that each day. She frowned at me with a friendly face and then showed me a simple short-cut that fixed everything.
What made matters worse is that I then remembered having already been shown this on one of my first days. 15 minutes later I threw water over my keyboard.
My point is, starting at a new company almost always has its difficulties. No matter how smart or skilled you are, or how sweet your team, you will make mistakes and there will always be moments where you’ll feel a bit of a stranger.
It might be that you forget to check that one box that would make the case you thought you’d fixed resume its way. It might be your teammates talking about some legendary former colleague that looked like Nick Cave, who always greeted everyone with “Merry Christmas” and you want to laugh with them, but it feels kind of fake.
In my case it was probably because I’m already 40 and I wanted to prove my worth so much that it made me look somewhat cocky. I feel a bit stupid for having to say this, but I’m actually not. Not cocky I mean, I’m definitely 40.
If my team mates could look into my head they’d see someone questioning every breath he takes, every move he makes and all of the legendary songs I hum while taking a toilet break.
* I’ll always have 1 Dutch word or saying in my posts for practicing purposes ;)